Our close group of acquaintances had our friend Wayne die after a courageous 10 month battle with cancer. Dealing with the loss of Wayne was very difficult in a number of individual way’s for our group to deal with and it got me to thinking … I should share how we succeeded.
I had heard of one statistic that really touched me that now I know has a high probably of being true. That is, everyone will be personally loose a friend or loved one to cancer in their lifetime, not a big shock to anyone these days. You and I can no longer expect to avoid the grief that cancer will deal to us and or families in our lifetime.
There were many facets throughout this ordeal we had to deal with as a group and individuals. Family support (emotional and physical), time management (through the long days after chemo), medical, financial and funeral planning, were all challenging and emotional, but the one facet we individualized was grief or rather the emotions and thoughts the days following Wayne’s death. Grieving is a very personal and individual undertaking that I will not give advise on, but give the reasons why you need to grieve.
We all know and have been taught and experienced the cycle of life in some manner. We have all had to deal on different levels with the loss of a family member, friend or pet at some point during our lives. I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert on the subject of grief, but have garnered six reasons why I believe you need to:
1. Recognize that life and death need to be shared experiences, so do not isolate yourself from either.
2. Cry because it is good for you during this experience. Crying is an emotion we do not let happen enough in our lives. Men especially refrain from crying, at least in public, we need to get over the presumption crying is not good for us.
3. Share your feelings and emotions with someone. Pour it out in person, on the phone, in writing a farewell note or an e-mail; just express yourself and what you are dealing with.
4. Create a personal remembrance memory book or file. Gather photo’s or related memorabilia that pertains to the person or pet and keep it handy so you can periodically reminisce.
5. Discuss the person when you are gathered with your friends or loved ones that new them. Discuss the experiences you each had.
6 Talk to the family members of all ages; part of the grieving process is following up with loved ones. Encourage your children to ask questions and ask tem how they feel or have felt though out this period.
A personal note, I hope each of you have planned and though about your own life, health and family future; good for you. If not, let this experience be a wake-up call for you, do two things if nothing else:
1. Set up a living trust for your family so secure your hard earned assets from going to the state or government.
2. Plan your funeral, deal with making the provisional plans and letting family member’s know what your wishes are. This will ensure a little less stress and prevent a family dispute about what *you* wanted.
Dealing with death and the process that surrounds it is difficult but one we all must not delay in addressing in our lives. I wish you the best of luck and much success in your lifetime.
